google says that if you have brown skin and you want to turn it white then you can buy this cream from korea , so i bought this cream from korea . it came in a green package  i didn’t understand the instructions but i assumed the more i used the whiter i’d become , why did i want to be white ?   my mother is white  and all the people around me playing tennis were white  and Zora Neal Hurston says  ‘ we feel most coloured when we are thrown against a sharp white background ’ and i was living in a white world where i stood out  and it wasn’t just my skin it was   the shape of my body  strong and defined  long    flat feet  hair wild  shoulders broad  . the girls around me were mostly blonde with small bodies and arches in their ballerina feet petite  , i tried so many things to fit in with them  straightening my hair  not eating  talking like them  staying out of the sun  wearing little clothes and shoes that were too small  but i was nothing like them  and it hurt   .  the day i made this purchase i remember because my tennis coach called me a nigga after i missed three balls in the net  i had barely any money at the time but i paid extra for express shipping  this had to be quick because i had to be white . 

when the potion came it fucked me raw raping the melanin away from my skin   screaming so loud no one could hear me . i am silent after this i am silent .  after this i am just waiting  i                                                             don’t know what i am waiting for for but it’s not here . it’s still not here yet .